Comfort

You realize pretty quickly when you are about to become a parent for the first time that there are some "hot issues" of parenting. Decisions you need to make that seem to bring out the strong opinions in everyone, and even some zealots (breastfeeding vs formula being the big obvious issue). It's very overwhelming and intimidating as a new parent, since there is SO MUCH information out there, including people's rants on why you're a horrible parent and person if you don't do whatever it is they are advocating.

But I've also been quite surprised that there are a lot of other things that seem to bring out the zealot in people too - things you would never expect would be such a divisive topic. Some examples off the top of my head:
- Finding out the gender vs. the surprise route
- Epidural vs natural
- Letting them cry it out vs. the no cry solution
- Cloth vs. disposable diapers
- Organic vs. not-organic
- Using a pacifier vs. thumb-sucking

I was reminded of people's strong reactions to the decisions at our ECFE class, and it got me thinking about all of it again (mostly wondering why we can't just recognize that people will always choose to do things differently and that's ok!). And that last issue in particular that has been on my mind in the last few months.

Back in October, right before Zach was about to get his cast off, I wrote a blog entry that I never ended up posting, mostly because I had so many other things to update people on. But I now feel the need to include this in our blog for posterity, since it has been a huge part of Zach's childhood so far. What am I talking about? Zach's thumb, for one!

Post originally written 10/13/09:

As I've mentioned before, we have so much to be grateful for. We have the most loving, supportive family and friends, and it's never been more apparent than it has been the last 5 weeks. We have received gifts from our immediate families, close friends, friends' parents, parents' friends, friends of friends, and more distant family too (from both a family tree and a geographical standpoint!) - toys, books, stickers, coloring books and crayons, videos, you name it. People have been so creative in their effort to help, to keep Zach entertained and to minimize the challenge for us. I can't emphasize enough how much my parents' two visits helped us get through this, for so many reasons. And we know Scott's parents would have been here if they could have. And we can't express our gratitude enough. Truly.

But, as odd as it may sound, the special thanks I want to give today is for someone, or should I say, something, else. Two things, actually. Two things that we literally could not have gotten through this experience without: Zach's cowbungadee and his thumb.

I know, it's strange. But I couldn't help thinking about it yesterday, as I watched Zach get tired as we were playing cars, and lay his head down on the kitchen floor, sucking his thumb and clutching his cow in that certain special way he does. I remembered my friend Anne, who has known Zach since he was 3 months old, expressing surprise that Zach was a thumb-sucker when she saw him do so during a playdate. I remembered that twice over the last 5 weeks I've seen a callous fall off his upper lip - something that I haven't seen since he was in the early days of breast-feeding.

Zach used to just suck his thumb to fall asleep; he has since he was a baby. Occasionally he'd do so when he was really tired, and every once in a while if he seemed really stressed or in an unusual situation. And his cowbungadee used to remain either in our house or in our car - he didn't need it other times.

But starting with our night in the ER, it because obvious how important his thumb and cow were going to be. The first IV they put in his arm was in his left arm - the thumb-sucking side. He had a horrible time trying to bend his arm - and therefore couldn't really comfort himself as he wanted to. But once that was fixed - he was finally peaceful and slept. And now he has been sucking his thumb much more, and keeping his cowbungadee with him at all times. And quite frankly, I'm thrilled.

I was thrilled when Zach first started sucking his thumb, and eventually latched on to the little Taggies cow blanket I tucked in his crib with him. Between those two things, he had learned how to self-soothe! A skill he'd need forever, a skill he's used many times to drift off to sleep in any situation, any place.

Yes, I've heard all the warnings about how hard it is to wean kids from their thumbs (you can't just take them away!), and imagined Zach trotting off to kindergarten with his cow in his backpack. And you know what? I don't care.

The world can be a scary place for me - I can't imagine what it's like to be two and not have any understanding of what's happening to you, let alone control. So I am nothing but glad Zach has his thumb and his cowbungadee to help him through whatever comes his way.

(photos: snuggling with dad when sick at 11 mos; 18 mos; 2.5 years old)