Fathers

When reading my People magazine, I find myself rolling my eyes when there is a story about a celebrity who has just had a baby, because there is often the quote “he’s such a good dad – he even changes diapers!” But as I’ve thought about it, I’ve realized it’s pretty difficult to provide concrete evidence as to what makes a good dad. Changing diapers is just one example of how the father is involved in the day to day care, which is clearly important. But that's not even a hurdle for Scott; from day one, there was nothing I could do for Zach that Scott couldn’t (ok, other than certain biological functions).

So how do I quantify that Scott is a good dad?? I know I don’t need to… but since ideally this blog is something that Zach will read as an adult – I like the idea of trying to paint a picture of what a fantastic dad he has. Plus, the guy deserves some props!

There are two things that come to mind immediately that make Scott stand out: his seemingly endless supplies of patience (I often wish I could borrow some from his reserves), and his complete and pure joy in spending time with Zach. Again, it’s difficult to quantify, but any time I am watching the two of them in the backyard, it’s so very obvious to see. For those of you who haven’t had the experience lately, playing with a two year old can be quite boring, frankly. They like to do the same thing over and over again, and those things are often very simple. When Zach and I are playing some sort of ball, I am generally ready to quit after about 4 minutes. Not Scott… he is constantly reinventing the games and coming up with new ways to entertain Zach and himself.

Now, of course, it helps that in some ways Scott is an overgrown boy who just loves to play any kind of sport (and that Zach is following in his dad’s footsteps). But it isn’t just ball games – the laughter that comes echoing down the stairs while Scott is giving Zach a bath often makes me want to go up and investigate exactly what is so darn funny.

Which brings me to my next somewhat-related thought – bear with me while I provide some background. When Zach was an infant, he and I started our first ECFE (Early Childhood and Family Education) class; picture 12 or so new moms in a room with their babies, talking about all their anxieties and concerns. There was one mom who was there with her second baby, so we often listened particularly closely when she spoke, since she wasn’t a rookie like the rest of us. And one piece of wisdom she shared with us has really stuck with me: Everyone brings something different to the table.

What was she referring to? Similar to the old adage about it taking a village, she was simply saying – you and your husband are not going to do things the same way, and that’s a good thing! I’ve thought about that advice on and off over the last 2+ years, and I’ve seen countless examples – from the way Scott plays with Zach to the way he handles it when Zach throws his toys in a fit of frustration – in how we differ in our approaches. So while we still manage to provide the same consistent message when it comes to discipline, we are certainly not identical. And it clearly is broadening Zach’s horizons, teaching him there are different ways to accomplish the same thing – including having fun!

I was also reminded of this wisdom when we were visiting my parents last week. I had one of those moments that I wished I could capture in my mind forever, as I watched my own dad playing with Zach. Zach and I have played cars many many times, but Grandpa was playing in ways I would never have thought of – cars were racing down ramps and knocking people and animals over, going over jumps to end up in a big truck, etc. Zach was absolutely captivated.

Let me try to bring this blog to some sort of closure that makes sense… what it all boils down to is that Zach is very fortunate - he has a dad and two grandpas who all bring something different to the table. He doesn’t lack for good male role models, particularly models of the many ways to show your love to a two year old boy. Since he's too young to truly appreciate it now, I hope when he reads this someday he'll smile and remember; for now I say thank you on his behalf!